Okay, so it didn’t rhyme.

Anyway, a week or so ago, we pointed out that Giant Bicycles are planning in June to shoot some sort of catalog content up in our neck of the woods. Maybe that was petty and parochial on my part, but at the same time, I’d expect exactly the same treatment if I rolled up in Newbury Park hoping to shoot the next Santa Cruz Bikes catalog. Giant’s marketing homeslice is a big albino with a highly evolved sense of both humor and schadenfreude, and I would hope that he’d be on the ball for exactly the same reasons that I am.

However, at the time, I was unaware that we have a malignancy right here in our very midst. None other than our very own Dano (who would like to be known as Handsome Dan, but can’t be called that due to trademark infringements with the movie Wayne’s World):

Yeah, he works in sales here. But the work here is really just something he’s doing when he’s not modeling. Kinda like how some people wait on tables for a living but when you ask them what they “do”, they usually respond with something about novel writing or acting… Except in this case, Dano actually has some sort of a resume. There’s still a stack of Blackburn trainers in his garage from the time he was “the legs” for their trainer display box. And there was the Nissan Xterra ad a few years ago. Keen eyed observers will note that there’s something fishy about this second version of the same ad. Dano assures us that while he may be able to rock Blue Steel while holding a wheelie, he’d never, ever ride a bike with a left hand drivetrain. Neither here nor there, really. As we go to type with this, there’s rumor that he’s also soon to be appearing in some kind of upcoming work with our blood enemies in Morgan Hill (which would probably be grounds for dismissal in some other jobs, but since it gives us so much more ammo to make fun of him with, we’re down with it).

All this is throwing of Dano under the bus is to prove two things. One, I’m jealous of his calves. Two, he’s actually none to shabby at the bike riding/modeling gig. So it can only come as one of those “How could you?” shocks of betrayal to be accustomed to modeling for anyone with a bike, a camera and some money, only to get turned down by those soul-less turf poaching bastards from somewhere near Los Angeles. That’s right, Dano signed up for the Giant gig. But he got denied, because apparently he’s too tall. Rejection like that can really mess a dude up.

So now, again, we implore you to go moon a Giant on June 3rd. Take the day, go ride. If at any point you roll up on some shiny Giant bicycles, some shiny people, and some cameras, do the right thing – Stop. Drop (trousers). Photo bomb with the big brown eye. Do it for local pride. Do it for Dano.

(For reasons of accuracy, it should be pointed out at this time that, technically speaking, the moon itself will not be entirely full until 4 days after June 3rd.)