There are no rules in marketing. For every example of a successful campaign or strategy, there is also a perfectly valid example of a total failure that followed the same formula. This can be terrifying, because it implies that there isn’t any tried and true definitive “right way” of doing things. But by that same token it can be totally liberating since, theoretically, there isn’t really any tried and true “wrong” way of doing things either. Emphasis on the word “theoretically” there. What follows will be a gentle Friday afternoon exploration into the finer nuances of brand marketing, and the deeply thought out strategies we here at Santa Cruz Bicycles employ in order hold the buying public in thrall:

For starters, we had this bright idea a couple years ago to feature a contest based around the simple theme – “Win a date with Nathan Rennie”

Romantic Rennie from santa cruz bikes on Vimeo.

This was for real, folks. An idea that had a whole lot of merit, because there have to be at least a dozen or two girls in the world who follow downhill racing and are intrigued at the thought of spending an evening in the charming company of everyone’s favorite Antipodean redheaded wookie. Small market, maybe. But a tightly focused one, that’s for sure. Unfortunately the project got shelved in favor of the “Win a date to go Jazzercizing with the entire Syndicate team, and get to keep your very own custom designed gold lamé skinsuit” concept, which, regrettably, had to be shelved for budget reasons.

Probably for the best that neither contest saw the light of day, since the resultant storm of publicity would have sent demand for V-10s skyrocketing well beyond our already tapped ability to produce them. To say nothing of the potential lawsuits that either contest could have engendered. Not to mention the fact that this guy might have won:

Yes, Virginia, that really is a man's torso with an armpit to hip tattoo of Renoir hisself ripping it up on a Blur 4x. That, you most certainly do not see every day. One cannot help but wonder if the wearer of that tattoo has expensively modified the image to turn the bike into a Morewood and to accordingly change Rennie's "kit", as the kids call it. And damn straight, that picture gets bigger if you click on it. Rennie wouldn't have it any other we, we can assure you.

Now, some might argue that this was a marketing exercise doomed to fail. And they would be right and wrong, at the same time. No rules, remember?

Speaking of which, the loose cannon spam-gun otherwise known as Chris Duncan, who we alluded to in an earlier post, has been continuing to prove that exact point over at mtbr.com. Is there such a thing as bad publicity? Judging by the number of emails we received to the effect of “That does it! Because of Chris Duncan and his shenanigans, I will NEVER buy a Santa Cruz” (except they weren’t so polite as to use the word “shenanigan”) as well as one memorable anonymous caller who mentioned that Chris was “really douching it up on the boards over there,” it is quite possible that there is such a thing. However, we’re talking about internet forums here. Basically the Global Virtual Water Cooler Fountain of Bullshit and Misinformation, where people gather to flap their jaws, speak with authority on subjects they know nothing about, and avoid work. One would think they have thicker skin in a place like that. Apparently they don’t. We’ll still sell them bikes, even if Chris Duncan has scarred them for life. The whole glorious trainwreck can be read here.

That should prove I know nothing about marketing. Hell, I’m so old fashioned I think Twitter is an electronic obscenity, facebook is more addiction than necessity, and that print media still has validity. Shows how little I know. People who really know marketing produce art, real art. Seductive pieces of beauty that at once inspire, awe, and exhort the masses to spend in the name of almighty consumer. Know what I mean? They are powerful and skilled, and their skill and power carries a hefty price tag. But it can produce gems such as this:

Somewhere, a child is having a seizure.

But even the old fashioned folks get it wrong once in a while. Anyone read the latest Men’s Journal? We got a Blur XC in it! Awesome! Go us! Go Men’s Journal! Nothing like casting a line into that stream of 700,000 fast swimming conspicuous consumers all thrashing upstream looking for the latest kernels of lifestyle accessory wisdom being dropped by Jann Wenner’s cogniscenti. Viral marketing can pull my finger and step aside. There ain’t no downside in that kinda audience. Is there? Hell no!

Unless, just maybe, THEY PUT THE FUCKING FORK ON THE BIKE BACKWARD!!:

"Yeah, I got one of those new Santa Cruz bikes like I saw in MJ, and man, they said it was stable at speed, but it just feels real tucky in front. Can't put my finger on it..."

Men’s Journal gear editor – you have been served. Mail one bottle of Don Julio 1942 to me here at SCB and I will put all this behind us. Do it soon, before Roskopp fires me, then comes to chase you down in the wee small hours and cuts your toes off.